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The Law of Consequence. So elusive in our society anymore.

There cannot be destruction of something God has ordained … without consequence. There cannot be divorce, no matter how justified or needed or Biblically supported, without consequence.

The further I walk into the world of Divorced, Single Mom … and away from the epi-center of my divorce, the more aware I am of the consequences and devastation … in me … in my girls … in our family.

My heart grieves deeply these losses, all part of the great death, of divorce. The losses are continual; the pain seemingly unrelenting. I find exhaustion and depletion come much more quickly causing a desperate need for my Redeemer … for He who will redeem the years the locusts have eaten.

The weeping and grief are no longer continuous. Oft they are divided by long spaces of time. Yet, when they come, they are overwhelming, even, sometimes, debilitating, leaving me needing to be replenished, deeply, once again.

I am not alone in my grief over loss. So many in God’s Holy Word grieved deeply and bitterly. There is a whole book dedicated to the lament. It is a necessary part of life … a place so desperately needed, and even welcomed, when one has endured such great sorrow.

Remember Jeremiah …

  4: 19 My heart, my heart—I writhe in pain!
      My heart pounds within me! I cannot be still.
   For I have heard the blast of enemy trumpets
      and the roar of their battle cries.
 20 Waves of destruction roll over the land,
      until it lies in complete desolation.
   Suddenly my tents are destroyed;
      in a moment my shelters are crushed.
 21 How long must I see the battle flags
      and hear the trumpets of war? 22 “My people are foolish
      and do not know me,” says the Lord.
   “They are stupid children
      who have no understanding.
   They are clever enough at doing wrong,
      but they have no idea how to do right!”

 8:18 My grief is beyond healing;
      my heart is broken.
 19 Listen to the weeping of my people;
      it can be heard all across the land.
   “Has the Lord abandoned Jerusalem?” the people ask.
      “Is her King no longer there?”

   “Oh, why have they provoked my anger with their carved idols
      and their worthless foreign gods?” says the Lord.

 20 “The harvest is finished,
      and the summer is gone,” the people cry,
      “yet we are not saved!”

 21 I hurt with the hurt of my people.
      I mourn and am overcome with grief.
 22 Is there no medicine in Gilead?
      Is there no physician there?
   Why is there no healing
      for the wounds of my people?

Remember Jesus …

Matt 23: 37 “O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the city that kills the prophets and stones God’s messengers! How often I have wanted to gather your children together as a hen protects her chicks beneath her wings, but you wouldn’t let me. 38 And now, look, your house is abandoned and desolate.

Yet, because we serve such a great and mighty God, that is not the end …

Psalm 147

 1 Praise the LORD.  
       How good it is to sing praises to our God,
       how pleasant and fitting to praise him!

 2 The LORD builds up Jerusalem;
       he gathers the exiles of Israel.

 3 He heals the brokenhearted
       and binds up their wounds.

 4 He determines the number of the stars
       and calls them each by name.

 5 Great is our Lord and mighty in power;
       his understanding has no limit.

 6 The LORD sustains the humble
       but casts the wicked to the ground.

 7 Sing to the LORD with thanksgiving;
       make music to our God on the harp.

 8 He covers the sky with clouds;
       he supplies the earth with rain
       and makes grass grow on the hills.

 9 He provides food for the cattle
       and for the young ravens when they call.

 10 His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse,
       nor his delight in the legs of a man;

 11 the LORD delights in those who fear him,
       who put their hope in his unfailing love.

 12 Extol the LORD, O Jerusalem;
       praise your God, O Zion,

 13 for he strengthens the bars of your gates
       and blesses your people within you.

 14 He grants peace to your borders
       and satisfies you with the finest of wheat.

 15 He sends his command to the earth;
       his word runs swiftly.

 16 He spreads the snow like wool
       and scatters the frost like ashes.

 17 He hurls down his hail like pebbles.
       Who can withstand his icy blast?

 18 He sends his word and melts them;
       he stirs up his breezes, and the waters flow.

 19 He has revealed his word to Jacob,
       his laws and decrees to Israel.

 20 He has done this for no other nation;
       they do not know his laws.
       Praise the LORD.

Thank You, Lord, for the Lament, for grieving, for weeping and tears to cleanse my heart and soul of the pain wrenched in my soul. Thank You for unexpected people in unexpected places who speak Truth into my life, who encourage me, who validate me … bless them deeply, Lord. You are a good God who LOVES to give good gifts to Your children; thank You, Lord, for the infinite good gifts You have showered upon me. I love You, my Lord and my God, Ame

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I’m still here.

Still spinning.

Sliding into home plate as we’re zooming through the end of the school year!

Getting ready for our first trip … to Louisiana … the week after school ends.

Looking forward to the third week of summer when my girls go to their dad’s … having a week to myself … and hopefully not being sick! I need the time to work in my house on extended projects.

REALLY looking forward to MICHIGAN this summer!!!!!!! The three of us will be driving and will probably take three weeks so we don’t have to feel rushed.

Will drive my girls thru something like ten or eleven states this summer … very cool.

You’re not forgotten

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If you haven’t read yet, this story is worth your time.

He wrote some words, recently, that gave me pause … there was a time, some years back, when I was on the other side. But, the more I’ve gone through, the more I’ve experienced Nate’s side. There is always so much more going on than what is written and/or conveyed. Given that truth, I appreciate what he had to say:

As a side note, I kindly ask, again, that you withhold unsolicited baby advice based on what you see and read on the blog. If you’re seeing/reading it here, it’s because we’ve chosen to share it with you…if the baby is un-swaddled in the NICU, you can assume that it’s OK with us and the medical staff…if I mention that she was sucking her thumb for ten seconds, don’t assume that she’ll be sucking her thumb for the rest of her life…etc. It’s very frustrating to have people appear to assume that we’re uneducated, irresponsible parents, and it certainly doesn’t encourage us to want to continue sharing as much as we have been sharing. We understand that it’s “good intentions”, but it’s still frustrating (and, we realize that might not understand why and that reading this may hurt a few feelings). If you see/read something that you don’t like, please, leave it up to our family and/or doctors to correct us…I promise that they will.

As always, those discouraging comments/emails are such a drop in the bucket compared to the encouraging and positive comments/emails we receive, it’s easy to stay focused on the good. And for that, we continue to be incredibly thankful!

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I’m still here … just spinnin

For parents with kids in public school and not playing basketball … “March Madness” is in May.

Another terrible allergy season … I’m maxin out on my allergy meds everyday and still feelin crummy - ugh. But, Advair is working, and I can breathe!!! That’s awesome

My GoogleReader is lit up like a Christmas tree … haven’t forgotten you, just need a few more hours in the day :).

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Oldest took her third, and last, of three TAKS exams today. From the moment they walk into the school until the moment they exit the school, the students are not allowed to speak, at all. They eat lunch at their desks but are not allowed to speak. They are allotted one snack break but are not allowed to speak. Two seven-hour days, back-to-back, without speaking. Forth graders. Whew!

The first TAKS exam for forth graders was the Writing TAKS, and they took that back in January or February. Yesterday was Math, and today was Reading. All scores should be in right before the end of school.

Both yesterday and today, Oldest finished her exams before lunch. Once the student has completed their exam, they must continue to sit in their seat, without talking, and doing absolutely nothing. They are not allowed to read or write or leave the classroom. So, Oldest sat there from before lunch till 3pm, doing nothing, and not speaking.

Despite her body’s ability to attract every virus traveling through this area causing a high number of absences, Oldest always scores very high in all her work … and on all her exams. And though she has one more year left in the three-year program for dyslexic students in her school, she has learned so much that she is a voracious reader … sometimes reading a book a day.

My Youngest is a Special Needs child in Special Ed. Having both my girls with their unique abilities gives me a view from both sides of the spectrum. My Youngest is also very bright, but she is unable to learn in a regular-ed classroom for most of her course work. In addition, her dyslexia is very severe, and her reading level is very low. Because of her IEP, she is able to be graded a lot via oral examinations.

Youngest has been under Special Ed since before the end of her first semester in Kindergarten. I had begun working with the principal the spring before her Kinder year, which allowed the principal and teacher to be exceptionally prepared for her beginning the first minute of Kindergarten. They staffed her room with an additional teacher the first two weeks of school. The principal and teacher interacted continuously throughout the days of the first weeks and months of school, testing and pushing and pushing and pushing Youngest to determine exactly what she could and could not do. (There was not a time I called or was in the building that the principal did not know exactly how my daughter was doing in her classroom that very day … because the principal visited her often in her classroom to check on her). By the time we went to ARD, the staff was extremely familiar with Youngest’s needs and abilities.

We have continued to work very, very closely with all the staff involved in Youngest’s education, having multiple ARD’s each year. We have adapted her IEP through her ARD’s to accommodate her increased abilities and her increased need for more special services in more specific areas.

A very large part of designing her IEP’s includes having an umbrella knowledge of where she is this year and where she will need to be next year. We are very careful to set her up to succeed not only now but also in the future. Given that TAKS begins in third grade, we made some very definitive changes in her IEP this year to set her up to succeed next year. Because of these changes, her TAKS will be adapted to her IEP. And, she will not be expected to sit, for seven hours, without talking or moving. Good thing!

***

While any grade-level in the school is taking a TAKS exam, the whole rest of the school must change their routine. No person is allowed to talk in any hallway. Teachers must eat with their classes in the cafeteria. There is no Music, Art, or PE … or any other Specials of any kind. This year, thankfully, the principal gave permission to take the children not taking exams to exterior fields on campus for recess. This is the first year recess has been allowed for any grade in our school during TAKS.

Youngest has been taking additional meds before meals, and since I do not have these in her IEP (which will require another ARD with district nurse approval, etc), I have been taking her meds and lunch up to school every day. Today I also went with her to the exterior field after lunch for recess. She wanted Momma :).

Sometimes, watching her with her peers is really hard and wrenches my heart. Today was one of those days. I stood there for a very long time, just watching her play. She would come to me for a little bit and then go back out into the fields. After a long time, one of her friends finally convinced her to play, and she didn’t need me anymore.

***

I have often been told, “Wow, you know your children really well!” That startles me because this is ‘normal’ for me. They are right … I know my girls really, really well. They are two unique, beautiful, delightful, children … knitted by the hands of Almighty God in my very own womb. Though they have the same biological parents, from their appearances to their personalities to their talents and abilities to their likes and dislikes, they are very different and unique. They have taken me to very different and unique places, allowing me to view and experience life from two very different and unique places, from two very different and unique sides.

And I am so extremely blessed :).

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With all that’s been goin on the last several weeks or so, I wasn’t able to make a ‘regular’ grocery store visit … you know, the one where you know where everything is and what you need, because it’s always the same stuff.

One of the things I kept forgetting to buy was paper plates. When I put my house on the market almost two years ago, I began using paper plates to cut down on the clutter in the kitchen and sink. Wow, did we … I … become attached to those things!

Going without for a few weeks increased the dishes ‘load’ exponentially. Given the first moment my memory kicked into gear while in the grocery store, I purchased those babies again. It’s about three dollars a week … and the sanity they provide is worth much, OH SO MUCH, more than three dollars!!!

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Cheri at TNFarmgirl has her own business, Sweet Hollow Farm, where she grows, creates, and makes ‘homemade’ soaps, salves, and herbal teas.

Being that her products are so pure, I purchased a sampling of several last month. My girls and I all three fight skin allergies of all kinds, so her pure, homemade products are of GREAT interest to me.

I LOVE her stuff!

But, the ONE product that has changed our lives is her Lavender Salve for, among other things, bites and stings! Now, down here in Texas, we co-habitate with mosquitos and fire ants, not to mention a whole host of other delectible critters that fly and crawl and climb and swing and swim and bite and sting. And my girls LOVE to play outside.

Given all that, we have had MULTIPLE opportunity to use this salve, and let me tell you! This is miracle stuff!!!

Youngest is the one who gets to use this salve the most as she loves to stir up fire ant piles just to watch those buggers … and then to continue to stir up the pile just to watch those buggers. I apply this salve to her bites and rub it in really well, and after several minutes, I NEVER hear about it again!

HUGE! HUGE! HUGE! HUGE! HUGE!

Cause this is my Sensory child, and if it’s bothering her, I WILL know about it . Also, given that she’s strongly Sensory, scents are a BIG deal here … oh, finding products where the “scent” is not offensive to her is a full-time job in itself. Anyway, Lavender scent is SO calming, so she is benefited by this particular salve on multiple levels … and Mommy is happy ;).

Cheri has no idea I’m posting this today. I do not even know Cheri personally, and I have only read her blog a few times. But stuff that’s THIS good needs to be known.

In our house … we call them the “Miracle Salves.” These things WORK. So, go on over there and purchase a bunch of stuff. She’s got stuff for men who like to fish and hunt … and a shaving bar for men, too. Hike yourself on over there now, ya here?!

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“Get out your homework so you can work on it in a little bit.”

“Huh?”

“Get out your homework so you can work on it.”

“What are you talking about?”

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a few minutes later:

“Okay, I do have homework tonight.”

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I will get my feet under me before my kids graduate from High School.

I will get my feet under me before my kids graduate from High School.

I will get my feet under me before my kids graduate from High School.

I will get my feet under me before my kids graduate from High School.

I will get my feet under me before my kids graduate from High School.

I will get my feet under me before my kids graduate from High School.

I will get my feet under me before my kids graduate from High School.

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Got behind a little, white, Ford pick-up truck today … had four stickers on back window … two that said “God Bless America” … one that said “Pink Floyd” … and the forth … “Keep Christ in Christmas!”

Gotta LOVE Texas!

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